sassy-comments

the-chubby-nerd:

Story time:

While taking put the trash at work, I kicked this little bag of pennies. Obviously, since I’m poor, a grabbed them and threw them in my pocket before going on with the rest of my shift.

Close to the end of my shift, I remembered this bag of pennies, so I took it out and counted it out. 7 cents.

My coworker came up and started talking to me while I was doing this, so we chatted, the entire time, this tiny bag of pennies in my hand.

Meanwhile, one of my managers sees me and my coworker talking over this bag, immediately thinks that it’s drugs, yells, and grabs both of us and drags us to the back room.

So, we’re sitting there, me clutching this bag of pennies in my fist, while my manager gets my GM on the phone, yelling about how we were “trading drugs during our shift” and “endangering ourselves and other in the workplace.”

Within 10 minutes, my GM was there, papers in hand to terminate our employment, talking about how they should call the cops. I started crying, cause they wouldn’t let me get a word in edge-wise, my coworker was actually texting his dad the entire time, trying to get them to come fight for him.

It wasn’t until the GM asked what drug they were that they finally let me talk.

So, while I was sobbing, I opened my hand and dropped the bag in my manager’s hand.

And he bursts out laughing.

Within seconds I had explained everything, the pennies, the situation, everything.

I almost got fired and arrested over 7 pennies.

officialunitedstates:

me at the club picking up girls:  hey how are you doing.  I would ask for your number but I already know it.  you’re #1.  I’ll call you later

toocooltobehipster:

raptorific:

I hit words at random on iOS 8’s new predictive text feature so I could see what type of sentence my phone thinks I’m likely to say, and

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is this how jaden smith writes his tweets?

tattoosarecute:

preparetobemildlyentertained:

lalalacoco:

so guys i was trying to cheer someone up with harry potter memes and i found some really good ones

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like seriously

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look at these

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i feel like i just relived 2008

The fresh prince of bel air one got me

nuclearnyx:

my anaconda don’t want none

unless you DEFEAT THE HUNS, SON

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juliacaroled:

The biggest overreaction recorded in history.

smartgirlsattheparty:

bennycreampuff:

They wouldn’t say “Father of two meets world leaders today”

They’d say “President Obama meets world leaders today”.

They wouldn’t say “Father of three founds one of the most successful modern computer businesses.”

They’d say “Bill Gates founds one of the most successful modern computer businesses.”

Get your shit right and use women’s names, not the number of kids they have.

THIS.

5herlockholme5:

thepainofthefeels:

5herlockholme5:

ha im a piece of trash

As someone who cares deeply about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up.
Is seven okay?

you smooth fucker

wentzslut:

LETS GET HIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!grades